Little Clown, Troubling Clown
by Dr34m3rGurl
Summary: Gamzee has always admired his best friend, Meulin. Unfortunatly, she's been just that for the last two years. His best friend. It wasn't until it was too late that he decided to make a move. Human!Stuck Gamzee/Meulin and Kurloz/Meulin. Rated M for generous use of the F bomb.
1. In Which We IntroduceChapter 1

"Meulin, hey Meulin!" A tall boy shouted, running down the school all with little appreciation for the other kids who so kindly stepped out of his way. He just barreled his way down to a shorter girl's locker. Well, not exactly shorter. She was about average height, the boy just loomed over her. Many of their other classmates too, if not all of them. He leaned casually against the locker next to hers, the open door almost blocking his view.

"May I help you Gamzee?" Meulin asked with a bright smile, shutting her locker after retrieving her books. Her voice came out in a slight, high pitched squeak. That was just the way she spoke, although listening to her speak for too long often grated on some of the more easily agitated students nerves.

"Motherfucking yeah you can!" The tall teen said, straightening himself to his full height. The top of Meulin's head came to about his shoulders, although the wild curls in her hair added to this. "We're still slammin' up some miraculous Faygo after school right? I bought a motherfucking fuck ton of the shit and I'm ready to motherfucking party!"

Meulin let out a soft giggle, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth as she did so. She gave him a sheepish, apologetic look before shaking her head. Gamzee's own grin dropped, but instead he gave her a curious stare.

"Sorry Gamzee but I've got to help my little sister home from school today. Mom told me this morning she wouldn't be home until late." She bowed her head once, letting her wild mane fall forward over her face before pushing it back with her free hand. "Maybe tomorrow?"

"Hell yeah I'll save you some!" Gamzee replied, perking himself up. "I promise not to drink all the mother fuckers this time!"

"Maybe I'll bring some movies or something." She laughed lightly as she spoke, giving him a wave as she walked.

"It's a date then!" Gamzee beamed. Then started rambling. "A uh, best friend date, you know what I mother fucking mean and shit. A hang out date mother fucker."

"I know what you mean." She called from down the hall. "Same as always Gamzee, see you later!"

Just how many chances did he need to say something, for fuck's sake?

Gamzee ran a hand through his own dark mop of unruly hair. Sure, he loved that sugary drink and drank it like his life depended on it, but it was always so much sweeter with her around. The bubbly feeling it left always lasted longer. His addiction was always made stronger whenever she was around.

Who was he kidding?

He was addicted to her.

He was addicted to everything about her, and all he did was keep her at arms length. He never made his move. He never tried to show her how much he just needed her there with him, to quell the waves of nausea that occasionally washed over him when she wasn't there.

Gamzee's walk home was spent with these thoughts in his head. His head bowed slightly in deep thought with his hands in his pockets, all the way up to the front door of his house. Unlocked, as usual, neither his father nor he himself ever actually locked it. Maybe it was a habit they should get into, maybe sooner rather than later? He tossed his wallet on the table beside the car keys.

Oh, so his father was home then.

Didn't matter, he was probably downstairs eating his sopor pies again. So help that mother fucker if he ate the last of them again.

The kitchen was starch and bare, no one used it much actually. Microwave meals were a standard in the Makara household. Except when it was decided more pies were needed, then it became a family affair. The kitchen became a magical pace of family bonding.

Today it was just empty.

He took a bottle of Faygo out of the bottom drawer of the fridge, grabbing the first color his fingers closed around. He didn't even care what he took, he just wanted one and he wanted it now. He grabbed two more, craddling the two in one arm and chugging the first, and shut the fridge door with his foot. Once in his room he dropped the first of the three bottles into the pile of other empty Faygo bottles. He was rather proud of the small mountain that was forming in the corner of his room, it was something of an accomplishment. Something Meulin commented on with fascination every time they hung out up here.

Something that happened often enough where he left her designated bean bag chair in it's singular spot untouched.

He chugged half of the next bottle, determined to not spend another night brooding. No one said he couldn't party hard without his best-friend-slash-frustratingly-unrequited-crush. Popping in a good movie or something would take his mind off that shit for sure. He could get all sorts of mother fucking comfy on his bed, cocoon himself in the blankets and just veg out.

A knock at the door put that idea to rest.

"Gamzee can you get that?" His father shouted up from the basement. With a grumble and a groan, Gamzee crawled off his bed. He'd have to attempt to become one with his blankets later on in the day, when their company left.

The knocking at the door persisted.

"I'm mother fucking coming, don't lose your pants bro!" Gamzee called as he trotted down the stairs to the front door. He was about to berate the person on the other side of the door until he saw who it was.

"I can assure you my pants are firmly in place Gamzee."

"Kurloz!" Gamzee's face broke into a wide grin. "What the mother fuck are you doing here? I thought the semester didn't let out for another month?"

"It's called spring break, little brother. Mine just happens to fall later in the year than most other schools." Kurloz said with a light smile. "Am I allowed inside, or are you going to stand in the door way barring my entrance for the entire conversation?"

"Oh right, sorry bro." Gamzee stepped aside to let the other Makara in. The grin on his face only widened as the elder brother did so.

"Hey, you want some Faygo?"

"Was that even a question?"

* * *

**A/N:**

Um. Hello, I'm not good at this but I felt I should introduce myself. This is my first time writing homestuck fanfiction, and I hope you don't mind human!stuck. Please enjoy my fic. ^^


	2. In Which We're LateChapter 2

The two Makara brothers spent the day on the couch, slamming down bottles of Faygo one after the other and catching up on the last few years while the elder was away in boarding school. The old man had sent him away after one too many arguments. Kurloz wasn't even allowed home on the holidays, and man did Gamzee miss that mother fucker a lot.

"So what have you been up to, brother?" The elder Makara asked, putting down his fifth bottle of Faygo. Another purple one, as he had a rather intense love for the color, even if he didn't like the flavor. Grape was kind too musky for his liking.

"School and shit and the like." Gamzee responded with a shrug and a casual grin. He kicked back in the couch and stretched his full length. He was still maybe an inch or two shorter than Kurloz. Hell, Kurloz was almost level with their father for that matter. The tall gene just ran strong and proud in the Makara family.

"So how does it feel to be a free man?"

"Mother fucking wonderful." Kurloz threw back a grin at his younger brother, then propped his boots up on the coffee table. "No stuck up roommates, I had the worlds worst too. He would not shut up, I swear he could go on for hours about the stupidest fucking shit too." Kurloz groaned at the memory, cupping his face with one hand, then running it through his unruly mop of messy black hair. He let out a light sigh, exhaling the memory and then smiled.

"Hey, enough about me you little shit, I haven't hear you say a word about yourself."

"Eh?" Gamzee scratched the back of his head, a goofy grin broke across his face. "Not much this mother fucker can tell, brother. I go to school and keep my mother fucking head down."

"Of course there's something to tell." Kurloz let out a chuckle. "How are your classes, your classmates, your friends? How's it been without me at home, how's the old man? I'm dying to know, I've got years to catch up on Gam."

"Well, this mother fucker's got a few friends. School's been pretty mother fucking boring as always, and most of my classmates are unmentionable for the most part."

"So tell me about a few of your friends then." Kurloz prodded his finger into Gamzee's cheek, his grin dropping slightly. The avoidance of the subject irked him.

Gamzee sighed in defeat. "Well there's Karkat, that mother fucker's always got my back. He's like my best bro in the whole school. Although he's got a mother fucking short temper, like you wouldn't believe how short that mother fucker's fuse is. Funny little guy, though. And then there's Equius, I can't figure him out..."

Kurloz listened while Gamzee rambled on about his classmates, adding to some of his descriptions with elaborate hand motions and grand gestures. His face slowly becoming more animated as he went on, and his speech becoming more rushed. It felt so good to talk to his older brother, he just started rambling.

"Oh, and there's this girl-" immediately Gamzee silenced, his face turning slight shades of red tinted embarrassment.

"A girl?" Kurloz suddenly looked much more interested than he had in the past several minutes. "You managed to snag yourself a girlfriend?" A general look of surprise and amusement crossed his face.

"No." Was Gamzee's flat response. He offered up no other information, and thankfully, Kurloz didn't prod the situation further. The conversation dwindled into shallow chatter after that.

* * *

The next day, as Gamzee got ready for school, the house was oddly quiet. Neither Kurloz or the Old Man were around, and he could only assume they had traveled off somewhere to make up for the neglected relationship they shared. He didn't put much thought into it anyway, he was used to getting himself ready in the mornings without any help. It was nicer that way, made him feel independent. Almost as if he were off living by himself already.

Then his phone went off in his pocket.

Gamzee hardly had time to put the phone up to his ear after accepting the call before Karkat started screaming in his ear.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?"

"And a mother fucking warm hello to you too bro."

"NONE OF THAT NOW."

"Well Karkat, I can't exactly see what you're mother fucking seeing." There was a pregnant pause while Gamzee gave the phone a chance to come up with an answer.

"LOOK AT A WATCH DUMBASS!" Was the eventual reply.

Well shit, looks like he overslept. Some responsible independent mother fucker he was. He snagged the a pair of pop tarts out of the toaster, burning his fingertips and ignoring the painful tingle it left, and ran out the door to make it to school. There was absolutely no way he was going to make home room at this rate, and then his heart fell a little. He was going to miss saying hello to Meulin this morning.

And between his bag and the pop tarts, he didn't even have a free hand to text it to her instead.

Damn.

Today was going to be a mother fucking splendid day, he could just tell already. And it wasn't even lunch time yet.

Well, maybe if he was lucky he'd make it just after the bell rang for first period, and he could procrastinate signing in long enough to skip his first class entirely. That would make up for it, a little at least.

Maybe this day didn't have to be so bad.

* * *

**A/N**

Hello to any of you who may be reading this. I got two reviews on my last chapter, Squee! Actually, that motivated me enough to actually finish this one. I've got a plan for this guys, I promise. I just need lots of encouragement to keep going, otherwise I'm going to lose faith/give up. In any case, thank's for reading the second chapter!


	3. In Which We DisappointChapter 3

In whole, the school day was uneventful. Gamzee was given two detentions, one for being tardy and another for skipping his first class. Not that he minded much. This happened, what, once a mouth or so? The trick was making sure his old man didn't find out. He wouldn't get upset or anything, but the resulting 'I'm rather disappointed in you' disgruntled glares that he'd get over the next several days would be a pain in the ass to deal with.

He'd just have to come up with some bull shit excuse to why he stayed after school today, and another one for tomorrow. Maybe Tavros need help with some homework? No he used that one last time. Well, he could always say he missed the bus today. Only he walked home from school. Hmm, stayed after to clean his locker? Nah, his dad new he didn't give a shit about organization.

Maybe Meulin could help him with an excuse tonight.

Wait.

Shit.

Gamzee looked down the street, realizing he had already started walking home. She was going to be mad at him, he promised they'd hang out tonight

Well, if it wasn't really a date he can't have stood her up. Maybe she wouldn't be mad?

"Gam? Gam? GAMZEE?!"

Gamzee was suddenly snapped out of his own inner monolog so suddenly his immediate train of though went blank. He whipped his head back in time to see Meulin just catching up with him. She must have just turned a corner or something because she defiantly wasn't there when he last looked back.

"Whoa, you all up and scared me there." He forced a grin to hid the nerves.

"You forgot we were gunna hang out today, didn't you?" Meulin smiled brightly, the same bright smile that sometimes made his chest pound to the point where he wondered if it was loud enough to hear.

"What? Nah of course not!" He scratched the back of his head, fingers getting caught for a moment in the mess of tangles. "Okay maybe a little." She let off a short giggle, her shoulders shook lightly with it and it bounced her curls. Gamzee had to look away, not wanting to be caught staring, but he couldn't help paying attention to the little details.

"I got a couple of DVDs, have you ever seen Cabin in the Woods? It's supposed to be really good!" She sifted through her bag, bringing out a handful of DVD cases. He glanced over most of the titles, most were mediocre at best and he'd already seen them.

"Sounds wicked, I can't wait!" Gamzee smiled, unable to burst her happy little bubble. He knew how the night would turn out, same as a few others in the past. She'd sit on the couch, watching what could barely be classified as horror movies with a pillow firm in her grasp. She'd squeak and whine, and whisper to the characters things they couldn't hear. She'd be terrified, and he'd laugh, teasing her about it to take her mind off of it. He liked those nights. She'd be too scared to go home on her own and he'd get to hold he her hand the whole while to keep her calm.

Yeah, he loved those nights.

"Aw, I all up and mother fucking forgot, me and my bro drank all up and drank the Faygo yesterday!" Gamzee groaned and slapped a hand to his face, dragging it down. "Sorry Meulin."

"I figured you'd down it all, so I got two bottles before I came to school today." She giggled again, the shoulder shake, the hair bounce, oh he almost forgot the little crinkle thing her nose does when she smiles that much. "Err, they're just small bottles, it's all I could get with my allowance." She pulled out two little personal sized bottles, one orange one purple. Her bright smile turned slightly sheepish.

"Aw wicked!" Gamzee grinned, giving her a one armed hug. "That's just mother fuckin' perfect and shit!"

"So Karkat was over yesterday?" She bobbed, her pace quick to keep up with his longer strides.

"What? No no, my bro bro, my actual mother fucking brother." Gamzee slowed his gait so she wouldn't tire herself out so quickly. "Little shit came home yesterday and we slammed bottle after bottle of the liquid miracles in our happy mother fucking reunion."

"I didn't realize you had a brother, Gam!"

"He just came from back from mother fucking exile and shit, my big bro's here to stay!"

Gamzee grinned broadly, hand animatedly adding emphasis to his words.

"He'd been all away and shit for the last few mother fuckin' years at some fancy-ass boarding school. The Old Man and him had some sort of lame bitch-fit and set my bro packin'." Gamzee opened the door for her as they got to his house, letting her in first. "Anyway he's catchin' all up with old friends and'll be back later tonight, if you wanna meet the mother fucker."

"I'd love to meet your brother, Gam!" She immediately took her favorite spot on her couch, curled up against the armrest with her feet tucked under her. "For now though, pop a movie in and lets get this party started!"

Gamzee with a slightly lopsided grin picked a particularly rabid looking gore fest out of the bunch of DVD boxes that laid haphazardly around the coffee table. He fell back into the couch cushions, lounging out leisurely, although still being conscious of the girl's personal bubble. Mentally he wanted to berate himself. How would he know which 'what if's' were plausible if he never took a chance? Every fantasy situation in his head had the possibility to come true- a simple stretch and then his arm would be around her, a deep yawn and settle down against her shoulder, just pull her close and hold her through the scary parts, but for some reason he simply lacked the ability to grow a pair of balls and do so.

And before he knew it, he was spending the next two hours arguing with himself. Do the thing, don't do the thing, take a chance, you'll crash and burn, insufferable prick, you're literally talking to yourself dude calm the mother fuck down.

The credit's rolled, Gamzee got the feeling (at least plot wise) he didn't miss much.

"That was terrifying..." Meulin's voice was barely above a whisper, her little shoulders shaking. Apparently at some point through the movie she'd curled tightly around herself, clutching one of the pillows from the couch close to her chest as if some form or fashion of protection. "Gamzee that was actually terrifying- and it was... _that guy_, it was him the entire time!" One arm thrust out to flail wildly at the television as the credits faded and the title screen began to play on loop.

"Nah lil' sis it was all predictable up in that plot bed, like a walk in the park with familiarity smacking you in the mother fuckin' face." He gave a shrug and a half hearted smile.

"I'm just not good at analyzing movies like you, excuse me for being surprised." Cheeks puffed out and Meulin crossed her arms over the pillow, her pout nothing short of adorable in Gamzee's mind.

"Alright little kitten the sun's way out n'gone and the mother fuckin' moons higher than Aradia's big sis at four twenty on a Friday night." Meulin shot him a look, one of his favorite looks in the world. That 'my imagination is running away from me and I'm terrified of walking home in the dark help me' look. And normal routine demanded some teasing, it was an unspoken rule of their friendship. "Aw, don't tell this mother fucker you think that goob-faced slasher's gunna pop like a weasel out of the bushes at ya?"

"Gam please _please_ don't make me walk home alone tonight!" Her lower lip stuck out, and trembled ever so slightly. His grin widened, ruffling a hand on top of her wild mop of curls.

"No sweat, when've I ever left you hangin?"

"You're the best." The trembling evaporated, and she threw herself at him in the tightest hug she could manage. Gamzee was at least fifty percent certain she could hear his heart pounding in his chest, or feel the warm fuzzy tingles that shocked his whole body. In the next instant she was standing up right, heading for the door. "C'mon then, the sooner I get home the sooner I can hide for the rest of the night under the covers."

Gamzee stood upright in the next few moments, stretching and popping a few bones in his back and shoulders. He followed her to the door, but his fingers barely grazed the handle before it opened it turned and opened of it's own accord. Still jumpy from the movie, Meulin screamed in surprise, latching onto Gamzee's arm with such force that he actually winced in pain.

"Whoa whoa, tone down the volume, it's like I stepped on a fuckin cat's tail!" Kurloz shut the door behind him, holding hand over his ear as if that'd block out the ringing.

"S-sorry you startled me..." Meulin's gaze suddenly shifted down, her voice a low mumble of embarassment and something else that Gamzee couldn't quite place. The older Makara let go of his ear, an easy grin spreading across his face.

"No worries there little lady, honest mistake. Shit, isn't the first time I've opened a fucking door to a screaming lady. Never on purpose though, you've my mother fucking word."

She glanced up with a small, almost shy smile.

"And now I'm making a rude ass of myself aren't I? Kurloz Makara, pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Pleasure to what? Since when does Kurloz speak like that? Gamzee's face contorted with confusion at him, a look that could only be described as 'what the fuck bro?' The other didn't seem to notice. In fact, Kurloz didn't seem to notice Gamzee at all.

"Meulin. I'm Meulin Leijon."

Was that- panic gripped at Gamzee's chest. He wanted nothing more than for his eyes to be deceiving him. Was she blushing at him? Okay- that was defiantly a giggle.

"And just where would you two be going at this hour? It's late and a damn school night no less if I'm not mistaken."

"Ah- Gamzee was going to walk me home." She glanced over at Gamzee again, another smile, but it wasn't the same as the one she'd given his brother.

"How far away is it then? I could give you a lift there instead. After all, any friend of Gamzee's is as good as golden in my book."

"Ah- it's only a few blocks away. Are you sure it wouldn't be any trouble?"

"Not at all little lady, I'm sure it'd be much safer than walking in the dark anyway."

"Excellent! I can't thank you enough!"

Meulin was positively beaming now, grinning from ear to ear. She gave her friend a hug good bye, but it didn't leave the same feeling as the last one. Gamzee felt a lingering chill just beneath his skin.

"See you at school tomorrow Gam!"

The door shut behind them.

**A/N: **I'm so so so sorry for not updating this sooner ;A; I had this written months ago actually, but when I went to finish the last few paragraphs somehow the file got corrupted and I lost everything I'd already written. Needless to say I was very discouraged from writing it again, but thank you for all the positive reviews, it motivated me to try it again.

And on that note, I'm only slightly sorry for what I've just done. See you all next chapter!


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